Why me?
by 910totallyawesome2758
Summary: After Eclipse. Jacob tries to find a distraction from Bella but finds something else. But bad things happen. Jacob can't get a break. Jacob POV. Jacob lovers beware. Please R&R.
1. Jacob's Choice

**A/N: Hi. This is my first fanfic, so please don't kill me. I'll try my best to update often and stuff. I suggest that if you love Jacob Black, stop reading now. You will not enjoy this story if you love him. Okay, sorry, I'm done ranting. I hope you enjoy the story.**

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN TWILIGHT OR ANY OF THE CHARACTERS! THEY ALL BELONG TO STEPHENIE MEYER!!**

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Chapter 1: Jacob's Choice

JPOV (Jacob's)

I have been running as a wolf for three whole years. I think I'm somewhere in Guam, but I can't be sure. I don't pay attention to my surroundings very much. I can still hear the rest of the packs' thoughts, though. I can hear that Seth still keeps in touch with Bella. I don't see how he can do that. Evidently, she calls regularly to see if I've returned. I didn't think she cared. She probably doesn't, though. I'm sure she's just checking so she knows when to run.

The pack worries about me, and I try my best to try to not think when they're listening. They keep trying to get me to come back, but I won't. I know what awaits me back at Forks.

Edward and…_Bella _must have gotten married by now considering I received an invitation to it three years ago. It still hurts to think about her, even though that she-devil broke my heart. And Edward…I growl just at the thought of him. He has to have changed her into a vampire by now. She didn't want to wait. That means the Cullens broke the treaty, but I'm too depressed to care.

How could she do that to me? She said she loved me. But of course, how can I, a measly werewolf, compete with a _vampire_? I thought the word with disdain. _Vampires smell like frozen tofu. _I wrinkled my nose in disgust. _I don't like frozen tofu. I don't like tofu at all. Does that mean Bella smells like tofu now? Ew._

_I hate life, _I thought as I took a drink of tequila.

I keep trying to think of new ways to fill the void inside of me left by Bella. I've tried murder, drugs, vandalism, grand theft auto, and kicking old people in the back of the knees. I used to enjoy watching them crumple. Oh, they begged for mercy, but I just laughed and laughed. I sighed. _Ah, the glory days, _I said to myself.

My current void filler is alcohol, but it doesn't seem to work very well. I need to find a new distraction. And soon, too, before I decide to kill myself. I have a feeling that wouldn't be very pleasant.

I took another drink of tequila. _Let's see. Hmmm. What else haven't I tried? _

While I pondered this, a small, defenseless bunny came up behind me. For some reason, that annoyed me to no end. It's probably my insanity kicking in again. It pops up every once and a while. I changed back into my human form and pulled my Glock _(A/N A Glock is a handgun) _out of its holster.

"Why, hello little bunny," I said with false sweetness, "You should not wander in the forest. You could get hurt." I smiled and pulled the trigger. Several times. I laughed manically while I stood, staring at the dead and bloodied carcass.

_Well, I guess this is a pretty good distraction. _I shrugged. This was pretty much the same as murder, but before, I just used a 2-by-4 with a nail in it as my weapon of choice. Sometimes I used a frying pan. Now, I had a gun. I like guns…But not tofu. Tofu is Ewwy. I like cheeseburgers, though. And gravy…

I started thinking of all the yummy things about cheeseburgers and gravy. Then, I was brought back to reality when a cute, little baby chipmunk came into my line of sight.

"Aw, you're cute!" The chipmunk almost seemed to understand my words. It slowly approached me. I dropped my kind, caring act and lifted my gun again. "I HATE CUTE!" I pulled the trigger and baby chipmunk was no more. I started laughing again. _I love being insane. _

I stalked off to find my next victims. The empty bottle of tequila was soon forgotten.

I had made my choice. This was my new distraction.

I grinned a scary, evil grin. _This is going to be fun…_

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**A/N: Sorry it was so short, but I thought that this would be a good place to leave off. Please don't hate me. It'll get better, I promise. Please stick with me. I'll update soon. Oh, and review, too. Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeezzz? If you don't, I'll give you all frozen tofu!**


	2. Imprinting

**A/N: Come on people! Review! Don't you want the story to keep going? For those of you who absolutely loathe Jacob, I have some pretty nasty things planned for him. But only if you review. Okay, on wit da story!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of its characters.**

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Chapter 2: Imprinting

JPOV

It's been about a week since I started my mass murder rampage and I must say, it's the most fun I've had in ages! I've killed numerous people, animals, rocks, candy bars, pieces of wood, and telephones. They stand no chance against me! I laughed maniacally.

I'm now outside a small town called Cortezas Del Cerdo. **(A/N That means pork rinds in Spanish) **It's a poor, little area in Peru surrounded by mountains, and I'm sure no one would care if the people in the town would suddenly all die mysteriously.

I circled the town as a wolf, waiting for the opportune moment to strike. There it is! I changed back into a human. No time to put on pants, I have to move now. I pulled my gun out of the bushes where I hid it and walked into the town.

People were staring at me as I walked by, no doubt admiring my junk. I can't help it if I was born gifted.

I shot everyone I saw, and I finally made it to the main square of Cortezas Del Cerdo. The many people in the square obviously hadn't heard the gunshots over all the noise they were making, so they didn't know I was coming to kill them. All they saw was a naked man standing around doing nothing, because I had the gun hidden behind my back.

I was about to pull the gun out from behind me when I saw her. She was tall, and had black hair that went straight down to her shoulders. This woman had large gold eyes and the prettiest face I'd ever seen. She was unusually pale on top of her dark complexion.

But that's not why she struck me. It felt as if she was the only thing keeping me to the ground. She was everything. She was my soul mate, and I didn't even know her name.

I had imprinted.

Part of my mind said, _What about Bella? _But it was a very small part. The rest of my mind said, _Who's Bella? _

All I could think about was this girl. I needed to meet her. Then, I heard someone yell, "Make it rain, boys!" The girl started dancing sensually.

I moaned. _Oh, I'd a piece of that. _I felt my little buddy down below start to get happy, and I remembered I wasn't wearing pants. I looked around frantically for something that even slightly resembled pants.

_It's a good thing I'm in the main square, _I thought. I found a pair of pants miraculously in my size on one of the stands no one was watching.

The crowd slowly dispersed and I took the chance to introduce myself.

**(A/N They're going to be speaking in Spanish, but I'm just going to write it in English)**

I walked up to the girl and stuttered, "Hi, m-my name's Ja-Jacob. But you can ca-call me J-Jake." I was rambling, but I couldn't seem to stop. It was weird. I never acted like this before, even in front of Bella. _God, I must sound like an idiot._

I kept talking about who knows what, and I probably would have kept going if she hadn't stopped me. She put her hand on my mouth.

"I'm Margarita, and I like you, too. I live just down this street. Where are you from? I haven't seen you before, and not many people come around here. It's in the middle of nowhere."

"I come from way up north. I'm from the United States, way up by Canada."

"Really? You're really far from home. Why'd you come?" I could feel the hurt on my face as she said that. "Don't get me wrong!" She added hurriedly, "I'm glad you came. I'm just curious. Why would you come down here, so far away from any civilization?"

I looked down. I had to tell her the truth. It's dangerous to be with a werewolf. "Look, we need to talk. But not here. There's something important I need to tell you, but no one else can hear it."

Margarita looked confused. It was understandable, though. We just met, and I was already telling her my secrets. But she didn't ask me any questions. She just led me to her house.

**(A/N I'm not going to explain the whole werewolf thing. If you're reading this, you've read Twilight, so, yeah.)**

I told Margarita everything, including the part about Bella. She sat there silently the whole time. When I was done, we just sat there for a minute. Then she said, "I don't believe you. You expect me to believe werewolves exist?! You're insane. Get away from me! GET OUT OF MY HOUSE YOU FREAK!" She picked up an expensive looking vase and threw it at me. I grabbed it out of the air and set it down, but not without an effort. She was unusually strong.

"Do you want me to prove it to you?" She just looked at me. "Okay, I'll prove it to you." I took a deep breath and changed into my wolf self, careful not to knock into anything in the small space.

Margarita screamed. I changed back into my human form and extended my arm toward her. "Don't be afraid. I won't hurt you." She was still shaking, but she seemed to calm down infinitesimally. "Do you believe me now?"

Margarita shook her head and backed away slowly. "I'm going crazy. This can't be happening." This frustrated me. I'll prove to her that I'm real.

I stepped forward and grabbed her arms (she was cold) and kissed her fiercely. She fought it at first, but then gave in and fell into my embrace. She even kissed me back.

We stood there kissing for a while, but we finally broke apart.

"_Now_ do you believe me?" I asked again.

She nodded and we kissed again and again and again.

Everything was how it should be.

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**Okay, I'm not updating again until I get some reviews! I'm telling you now, something really crazy is going to happen next chapter. Can you guess what's so special about Margarita? So, if you want to find out what it is, REVIEW! REVIEW! REVIEW!!**


	3. Secrets Revealed

**Come on! One review? You can do better than that! I'll keep writing the story, but if I don't start getting reviews, I'm going to delete it. It's my first fanfiction people! Don't be so hard on me. I'm trying my best here. Anyway, here's the next chapter.**

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Chapter 3: Secrets Revealed

JPOV

It's been a week since I met Margarita, and it has been the best week of my life. Bella hasn't crossed my mind once in the past week.

Margarita is the most wonderful person I've ever met. I just can't stop thinking about her, and I don't want to. She's perfect, in every single way.

I've been living with Margarita, seeing as I don't have anywhere else to go. There's not even a hotel in this town. The TV is on right now, but I'm not watching it. I'm daydreaming about Margarita, who was at her job as a bartender.

I looked around. Margarita had a small, one-story house. There were seven rooms. The front door opened into the living room which had a couch, TV, coffee table and a few other things. To the left, there was a doorway that led to the kitchen that had a refrigerator, some cabinets, a small wood table with a few chairs and a counter that came out from the wall with a couple stools. Also to the left of the living room was a another door that led to a guest bedroom and bathroom. On the right of the living room there was Margarita's room, another bathroom, and a small room for doing laundry. All in all, it was homey.

I took a deep breath through my nose.

I froze. I thought I smelled… I sniffed the air again. Yes. It was definitely there. I hadn't been paying attention to how things smelled lately. I'd been too busy thinking about Margarita. I really must have not been paying attention, because this smell was strong. And it was everywhere. Even on my clothes.

It was the smell of frozen tofu…

It was the smell of a vampire.

My mind was racing. The smell that was on the furniture, in the air, _on my clothes, _could only mean one thing:

Margarita was a vampire. I had imprinted on a vampire.

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_How could I not have seen it before!? _I silently yelled at myself. _The gold eyes, the pale skin. It's all so clear! _I couldn't believe that I had been so unobservant. _How did I not feel how cold she was? Or how she smelled? I feel so stupid!_

I didn't just feel stupid. I felt sad, betrayed, used, and sick to my stomach that I had been spending all this time with a vampire. But above all of this, I felt angry.

_How could she do this to me? How could she not hate me? Or be disgusted with me? Shouldn't she hate how I smell? She lied to me! She pretended to be a human when this whole time, she was my mortal enemy! How is it even possible to imprint on a vampire?! We were made to destroy each other! This doesn't make any sense! _

I paced back and forth across the room, trying not to change into a wolf. That would not be a good thing to do right now. I glanced at the clock. Margarita would be home any minute, and I had absolutely no control over my temper. I heard the front door unlock. _Speak of the vampire…_

Margarita stepped into the house, and when I saw her face, full of innocence, I just snapped. I yelled with fury and just exploded. Literally.

Margarita stared at me with shock as I exploded into my wolf form. I couldn't control myself. She just stood there as if she didn't know why I was mad. This infuriated me even more for some reason, and I had to try so hard not to jump at Margarita and attack her. I think the only thing holding me back was the fact that I had imprinted on her, I loved her.

_But she's a vampire! _part of me said. It was only a small part, though.

Margarita watched as I slowly convinced myself to calm down enough to become human again. When I had stopped shaking, Margarita got a blanket and slowly approached me. I remembered I was naked and snatched the blanket from her hands to wrap it around my waist.

I looked into her golden eyes and said five little words, "Why didn't you tell me?"

Margarita sighed and looked down. "Because I love you." The words hung in the air for a moment. "I didn't want it to ruin anything. This past week has been perfect, but I knew it wouldn't last. You had to notice eventually. I put it off because I just wanted to pretend like it didn't matter. I know I should have told you. I'm sorry. It was selfish, and I'm so sorry. I understand if you never want to see me again. I- I-" She was at a loss for words. "I'm sorry." She whispered.

It looked like that if she could cry, she would. I could tell she meant every word she said. I was confused. I loved her, but Margarita was a vampire. I don't see how the relationship could work. I wanted it to work. I really did. But it just wasn't possible. I sighed.

"Margarita." She looked up. "I love you. More than I ever thought possible. I don't know if it will work, but we can try." Margarita smiled.

She was so beautiful. I leaned down and kissed her. I could tell I made the right choice. Even though she was a vampire, I don't know how I could ever live without her. She was my life now.

She was my everything.

We kissed for a few minutes then broke apart, breathing heavily.

"Will you tell me where you came from?" I asked. Margarita grimaced. I couldn't imagine why. "You don't have to tell me if you don't want to." I added hurriedly.

Margarita swallowed. "No, it's okay. You deserve to know. But I'm warning you now, you might be a little surprised." I'm sure I looked confused. Margarita took a deep breath and said so quickly that I almost didn't catch what she said, "I knew the Cullens."

I jumped. And as if that wasn't enough of a surprise, she added in a whisper,

"I knew Bella."

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**Oh snap! What's going on with Margarita? If you want to find out, you have to review! And I need help, I have a poll on my profile. Does Margarita die or stay? It's up to you people! Please review!!**


	4. Betrayed

**Okay, here's the next chapter. I decided what to do with Margarita, and those of you who hate Jacob will enjoy this very much. (Hint, hint) Thank you to all of you who reviewed. You make me smile. I want to give all of you a big virtual hug. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or any of its characters. **

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Chapter 4: Betrayed

JPOV

"What?" I whispered almost inaudibly.

Margarita sighed at looked down. "Two-and-a-half years ago, I was part of a student exchange program. I got sent to Forks, and a student from up there got sent here. While I was there, I got hit by a car while crossing the street. I was dying, so Carlisle changed me. I didn't get any special ability though. I liked the idea of being a 'vegetarian' so I became one."

"Bella was a newborn at the time," she continued, "but she had no problem with bloodlust. Evidently, she hated the smell of blood so much as a human, she doesn't need to drink blood as a vampire. Her power was to block any vampire ability." Margarita saw that this was a touchy subject with me, so she stopped talking about Bella.

"I stayed with the Cullens until I had a strong enough control, then, about a year ago, I returned here." She finished hurriedly.

We sat quietly for a while, then I said, "Thank you for telling me." I hesitated. "Is Bella happy?"

"Yes." Margarita answered simply.

"I love you." I told Margarita.

"I love you, too." When I looked into her eyes, there was something there that I didn't quite understand. When she leaned up for a kiss, I dismissed it and bent down to grant her request.

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That night, Margarita and I were sitting on her couch in her living room, when I saw a movement outside the window. I looked more closely, but I didn't see anything. I shrugged it off. Then I smelled frozen tofu, but stronger than usual. I saw another movement and stood up to get a closer look.

"Where are you going?" Margarita questioned.

"I thought I saw something." In fact, I knew I saw something.

"Just come back over here. There can't be anything out there." She sounded almost desperate. Something weird was going on, and I needed to find out what. Margarita can't be telling me the whole truth, but I couldn't imagine why.

"In a second. I just need to check this out." I called behind me.

I opened the door and was instantly grabbed. The hands were cold and hard. I sniffed the air.

Frozen tofu.

"Margarita!" I yelled.

"Yes?" She asked calmly from right behind me, and she said it in English. Something was definitely not right.

**(A/N Sorry, I forgot to mention that they were speaking Spanish the whole time since they're in Peru. And yes, I know that Jacob probably couldn't speak Spanish that well just from a high school education, but just pretend, all right? Okay, back to the story)**

"What's going on?" I was panicking.

"Well, you see, you've just been captured by us."

"Wait! Who? I don't understand!" How could Margarita betray me? I imprinted on her!

"'Us' meaning the Volturi. You've heard about us, right? Good. I can guess what you're thinking right now, and I'll explain. I do have a power. It's making people think they're in love with me. So, no, you didn't imprint on me. I've never met the Cullens. My family told me all I need to know about them so I could pretend I did." I was shaking with furious fury.

"I was sent to follow you, and when it was obvious you'd end up here, one of the other Volturi set up this illusion that we called Cortezas Del Cerdo. If you thought everything was normal and that you imprinted on someone, you would stay here while the rest of my family came to help capture you." Margarita smiled evilly. "Oh, and just so you know, I'm not even a woman. It was an illusion the whole time!" Sh-He chuckled. "My name's Giovanni."

And just like that, the illusion came off and a balding, fat, sweaty man stood in Margarita's place. My face contorted with disgust. This whole time, I thought I had imprinted on a Peruvian woman. But I had been kissing an Italian fat dude! And he was from the Volturi, too! I needed a bath, a toothbrush, some soap, and a whole lot of therapy.

"Why?!" I yelled.

"Because, _dog, _we know that Bella cares for you. Bella is pretty much the most dangerous vampire who ever didn't live. She can block any power. And if we hold you hostage and her only 

chance to save you is to join us, she'll have no choice. The plan is pretty good, don't you think?" Giovanni laughed.

"Yeah, I guess so, but you forgot to factor in one thing." _I have to stop them._

Giovanni looked at me skeptically. "Oh, yeah? And what thing would that be?"

"The part where I kill you." I exploded into my wolf form and the people who were holding me stumbled back.

Connected with my pack through our minds, I heard several things at once.

Sam: **Jacob!**

Leah: _You imprinted on a vampire?_

Paul: **The Volturi?**

Embry: _**Peru?**_

Quill: We'll help you!

Seth: _Who wants cookies?!_

The pack was silent.

Seth: _What? I have milk, too._

Paul: **Oh! Me, me! I want some!**

Leah: _You guys are such idiots!_

The pack argued about cookies and milk for a minute. I don't know what the Volturi were doing, but they weren't paying attention to me, so I didn't care.

Sam: **Everyone be quiet! **The pack was silent. **Jacob, what's going on?**

I quickly explained where I was and what was going on and the pack took immediate action. They started running to Peru. I knew they wouldn't get here in time, but they'd figure it out somehow.

Sam: **Okay Jacob. Don't worry, we're on our way.**

Just then, the Volturi turned their attention back to me. I should have taken that opportunity to strike. They were doing something and I could have killed them while they were distracted. _I'm so stupid! _I yelled at myself.

While I was scolding myself, Giovanni pulled out a tranquilizer from behind his back. They must have been loading it. It probably took a while because it was a big gun. A really big gun. Before I had time to attack Giovanni, he shot the tranquilizer and everything went black.

The last thought I had before I went totally under was, _Why Me?_

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**Haha! Jacob's life sucks! I laugh at him! Hahahahahahahaha! Okay, keep reviewing!! Oh, yeah. And I'm changing the title of the story to **_**Why Me? **_**And the rating is going back down to T because I had a different idea for the story, but it changed, so M won't be necessary. Okay, I'm done. Bye! (REVIEW!!)**


	5. Quack, Quack!

**Here's the next chapter. I'm not sure how much more this story has. I'm kinda out of ideas, so if you have any suggestions, just send them in your reviews and I'll try to use them. Thank you to those of you who reviewed. And now, without further ado… Chapter 5!!**

**Chapter 5: Quack, Quack!**

**JPOV**

I slowly opened my eyes and took in my surroundings. I was in a small, dark, stone chamber. The walls seemed to ooze slime. There was nothing in the room except myself.

_Where am I? I shouldn't be here. I should be with the others of my kind. I need to find my brethren. I need to find other ducks._

A door hidden in the bricks of the walls opened and some people stepped in.

"Hello, Jacob. Remember me?" A fat man asked. I was confused. Who was Jacob? I'm just a duck. I don't have a name!

"Quack!" I yelled at the man.

The man turned to one of the other people with him. I could just make out their whispered conversation.

"What did you do to him? He thinks he's a duck!" The man who called me Jacob whispered furiously.

"I don't know, Giovanni. The tranquilizer shouldn't have done that. Maybe he just went insane; there were reports of insanity before you even found him."

"Well, it makes sense, but something must have triggered it. Maybe we gave him too much." The man called Giovanni paused. "Oh, well. It doesn't matter. The Cullens are waiting. Let's take him to them." The name rang a bell, but I couldn't figure out what it was. Giovanni turned back to me. "Okay, we're going to take you somewhere now."

_Oh boy! I hope it's a pond! _The men with Giovanni grabbed me and started dragging me somewhere. _Wait! What's going on?! _I started quacking angrily. _You'll never take me alive, coppers!! _I tried to bite one of the men's hands, but he punched me in the face. _Never mind…_

I was dragged down a long corridor, and then into a circular room full of beautiful people that smelled bad. In the center was a group of eight people with gold eyes in contrast with the people surrounding them, who had red eyes. The group of people looked strangely familiar. One of the women in particular.

I started quacking and the biggest of the men started laughing hysterically. I just quacked some more in confusion and that just made him laugh harder. The familiar woman looked at me with concern and the man standing next to her looked irritated. The rest of the group, besides the one laughing, looked like they were holding back laughter. I was confused.

A man stepped out from the shadows. He had long, black hair and his skin looked almost frail. "Okay," he said. "Let's get started."

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BPOV (for once)

The day before…

It's been three years since Jacob left, and he rarely crosses my mind anymore. I am tremendously happy, here with Edward. My Edward.

Right now I'm going to college with the rest of my new family. Edward finally convinced me to go. My parents think I died in a car crash on my way off to Harvard, where I'm studying to be a lawyer.

I go by the name of Bella Masen here, seeing as I don't look like a Hale and it would seem weird if I was supposedly dating someone with the last name, even if we did say we were adopted. It also makes Edward extremely happy. We were married as planned, and I was changed into a vampire. My power is to block other vampire special abilities.

Bloodlust isn't a problem for me because I hated blood so much as a human that it carried on into my vampire life. I had to kill a few animals, though, because I didn't want my eye color to be red forever.

The Volturi keep trying to get at me to join them because of my ability. It basically makes me one of the most powerful vampires who ever…hasn't…lived. I just wish the Volturi would leave me alone. The phone rang.

I answered the phone. "Hello?"

"Ah, Bella, I was hoping it would be you," said a voice I had become familiar with over the past years. It was Giovanni, the vampire personally assigned to getting me to join the Volturi. I really didn't like him. "Have you changed your mind?" I was silent. "No? Well, I just _happened _to come across something that might be of importance to you. I thought you might want it back."

"What are you talking about, Giovanni?" I said angrily. I hated when he did this. He never said anything straight out.

"No need to get your panties in a bunch, Bella. Just come to us and we'll get it all sorted out. Bye-bye Bella."

"Wait! Wait, what-" The line went dead. I growled under my breath. I _really_ hated Giovanni. I sighed. "Edward," I called at a normal voice level that I knew he could hear in the other room where he was studying.

Edward walked into the room. "Yes, love?" He took in my facial expression. "What's wrong?" He looked worried that I was worried. I quickly told him about the phone call, and we were soon on our way to Italy with the rest of our family.

_The next day… _

We had just arrived in Volterra at the entrance to the castle. Giovanni was waiting for us and showed us to the large circular room that I remembered from my human days.

"What is going on? What did you take?" I hadn't noticed anything important missing.

"It's not _what_ I took, it's _who_ I took." Giovanni smiled evilly.

I was surprised. Then two people came to mind. "Renee? Charlie?" I was starting to panic. If anything happened to them that was my fault, I would never forgive myself.

"No, no, silly! I just _happened_ to stumble upon a certain werewolf friend of yours who has been missing for three years."

"Jacob," I whispered.

"That's right! I'll go get him for you." Giovanni walked out of the room with a couple of giant guards at his back.

I could feel Edward tense beside me. He definitely didn't like the idea of seeing Jacob again. "Don't worry, Edward," I whispered so only he could hear. "I don't love him, and I never will. It'll be okay."

"I'm not sure he'll feel the same way." Edward replied.

I sighed. The men finally returned dragging Jacob. Then, the most unexpected thing happened.

He quacked. Oh my Carlisle, he's gone insane. Emmett burst out laughing and Jacob kept on quacking. I was worried. I looked at everyone else. Edward looked irritated and the rest looked like they were going to started laughing, too.

Then, Aro stepped out from the shadows. "Okay, let's get started. We are holding Jacob Black hostage until you agree to join us. We'll return him to you if you only join the Volturi."

"May we have a moment to discuss this, please?" I asked politely.

Aro nodded. "Proceed."

We all gathered around each other. "Okay, I don't think we should do it. He's insane and there's nothing we can do about it," Edward started. "We do not want to join the Volturi, and—" Edward just started laughing and he wouldn't stop.

"Watch out, Edward's caught the insanity," Emmett warned, which earned him a smack on the back of the head.

"Edward, what are you laughing at?" I asked. He pointed at Jacob, who was sitting there the exact same way as before. "Just what is so funny?!" I demanded.

Edward eventually calmed himself down. "His thoughts," he stated simply.

It was my turn to be irritated. "What about his thoughts?" I was getting impatient.

"He was picturing himself squatting in the middle of a pond with his mouth open, with an old lady sitting on a bench in front of him tossing him bread." He broke out into another fit of laughter.

I couldn't help it. Just picturing Jacob squatting in the middle of a pond begging for food was enough to set me over the edge. So I started laughing, too. Pretty soon my whole family was laughing, followed by all of the Volturi. Even Caius and Marcus joined in. Jacob was squatting on the ground watching everyone with confusion. He started quacking.

Everyone was still laughing when the werewolves broke in.

**Okay, I think this story will have one more chapter, but if you have any suggestions, again, I'm open to them. Haha. Jacob's insane. Does anyone else think that squatting is funny? I do. Anywho… Please review and give me your ideas. **

**Oh, yeah. I'm going to be starting another story soon. It's going to be a serious one this time. And it's going to be about Alice! YAY! I'll write more about it in the next chapter. **

**I'm done ranting. Please review!**


	6. The BanMan

**This chapter is dedicated to my sister in awesome…bookfreak17!! She gave me the bestest idea for this chapter. Thank you sooo much! This is definitely my favorite chapter. Lol. I hope you love it too. Here it is…Chapter 6!**

**Chapter 6: The Ban-Man**

**JPOV**

The pack just burst into the room, and I suddenly snapped back to reality. _I'm not a duck! I'm a werewolf! Hey, those people are laughing at me!_

Before anyone realized what was happening, my pack grabbed me and ran as fast as possible. I was too confused to change into my wolf form, so one of them, I wasn't sure who, carried me. The next thing I knew, we were in a plane and on our way home.

o0o0o0o

Two days later…

I don't know where I am. The pack tried to talk to me, but their words didn't make sense. My head hurts and I'm so confused. _I'm a duck. No—a wolf. No, a pelican! Ahhh! I don't understand! WHAT IS GOING ON?!_

I caught a few words that the pack said. I didn't understand them, though. The words sounded something like_ insane_ and _retarded_ and…_applesauce. _

I'm still confused, but at least they put me into this nice fluffy room. It's big and squishy and colorful. There are people who come in here every now and then to bring me food and this funny little things I have to swallow. They don't taste very good, but they give me magic powers! When I swallow them, I can fly!

The nice people give me coloring books and crayons. Right now, I'm coloring a pony. It's a very pretty pony.

There was a knock at the door that only opens from the outside. Then, a strangely familiar girl who smelled like frozen tofu came in. Her face was worried, but I don't know why. It's fun here!

"Hi. It's me, Bella." The woman paused. "I just came to see if you're okay."

"BUNANA!!" I yelled. I started giggling.

The girl called Bella looked panicked. "I'm gonna leave now," she said quickly. "Bye." The girl ran from the room.

"FUGU!!" I screamed after her, but she was gone.

I turned my attention back to my pony. He was green and pink and orange and purple and salsa and plunger and suitcase! I think it's the best pony who ever lived.

One of the people who gave me food and crayons came in with a new thing to do.

"These are called Barbies. Knock yourself out." The person left.

I looked at the _Barbies_ and tried to figure out what to do with them. They looked like little people. There were two boys and a girl. I put the girl's head in my mouth and started sucking on the hair. When that didn't seem to do anything, I ripped off her head and ate it. It didn't taste very good. The person who brought me the Barbies came back into my fluffy room.

The man said a naughty word under his breath and took the little woman away. He sighed. "You don't eat them, you pretend to make them live." I felt confused. They're not alive. They can't live! The man sighed again. "I guess I'll have to show you."

Ken doll #1: "Hey, wanna go to the mall?"

#2: "No. Let's have a parade!"

As he said this, he made the dolls move. I think I understand now. The man left without another word.

o0o0o0o

The next day…

I was playing with my Barbies, which was way better than coloring by the way, when the person named Bella walked in again.

"Hey, it's me again." I handed my pony picture to her. "Oh. That's, um, that's…wonderful?"

"It's certainly full of something," commented someone from behind her. Bella gave her a dirty look. "Well, you were thinking it; I just said it out loud!"

Bella rolled her eyes. "I brought you a visitor. He can keep you company. And play Barbies with you! Yea!"

"Why are you doing this? He's not your responsibility or anything," the person asked.

"I don't know." Bella sighed. "I guess I feel obligated it some way."

"Whatever. Just let me visit Jacob."

"Okay." Bella left.

"Hi. I'm Quil, if you don't remember. Um. What am I supposed to do now?"

I handed Quil one of my Ken dolls. He raised an eyebrow, but took the doll.

"CHEESEBUWGERS!" I yelled.

Quil fell backwards, caught off guard, and dropped the doll. "I can't do this. It's too weird." He opened the door to leave.

"AND GRAVY!" I called after him. He slammed the door and left.

o0o0o0o

That's how it went the next few days. Bella brought people to see me, and the all ran away. That is, until today. Bella brought someone special.

"Okay, Jacob. This is the last one. I won't bring anymore people. And I'm not coming back. Ever. Bye." And that was it. She left forever.

A man stepped forward. He was old. He was hairy. And he was everything. I knew this feeling. I had imprinted. I didn't care if I was betrayed before, this felt like something more. This was for real. I just knew. I had imprinted on a man. Wait! That means I'm gay! Oh well! I love him. Whoever he is.

The man looked creeped out because of the way I was staring at him. "Um, well, I'm Mr. Banner. I teach Biology at Forks High School. I'm here to try to find out what made you insane. So I'm just going to observe you for a while."

"I love you." I started breathing heavily and I began to slowly sneak across the room to Mr. Banner, hands in front of me. "I'm gonna get you!" I ran up to him and started tickling him.

"Whoa! You need to go sit over there!"

I went to go play with my Ken dolls. "This one is me, and this one is you!" I told the Ban-Man. He started really freaking out when I made the dolls make out. He got up. "Where are you going?" I asked.

"I'm leaving. And I'm never, ever, ever, ever coming back again."

"But why? I love ya, Ban-Man!"

"I'm leaving! Forever!" And he left, taking my heart with him.

"BAN-MAN!!" There had to be something I could do. I thought about my options. _I need to find some way to get back to Ban-Man! I need him! Hey, he's a Biology teacher, so he might be able to tell me what I am! I'm still not sure. Giraffe? Paperclip? Newspaper?! Wait, I'm getting off track. Hmmm. What can I do?_

I had a plan.

**Holy crap! I'm sorry. That chapter wasn't very good. I'm sooo tired right now, but it was fun to write, though! I love you guys so much I wrote a chapter even when I'd rather be sleeping. You should repay me by reviewing…hmmmmm. That's a thought…**

**The story I mentioned last chapter that I'm going to write is probably going to be called **_**Living in Darkness. **_**It's going to be about Alice's life before she became a vampire. It should be interesting. I should be starting it soon, so keep a lookout for it! **

**I thought I'd mention bookfreak17 again just because she's amazing! Thank you so much!**

**I'm still open to ideas if you have them, but I pretty much know what's going to happen now. Please review people!! **


	7. Freedom?

**I'm sorry I haven't updated in a while. But here's chapter 7!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight.**

**...**

Chapter 7: Freedom?

JPOV

I had found the perfect way to escape. All I needed to do was wait until the proper moment. Soon, I would be free. I would be with my love again. I sighed. _Mr. Banner. He's amazing… _I couldn't ask for anything more.

My plan was simple. All I had to do was wait until one of the people who work here come in. Then, I'll create a distraction and make my escape. It was so easy even I couldn't screw it up. The plan was fool proof! No one can stop me now!

The door started opening. It was time. A man stepped in with my food. "What's that? Oh, that's disgusting! Ewwy! Keep it away from me! Ahhh!"

The man didn't even blink. "Calm down. There's nothing there. You're just insane. That's all. Just stop talking and eat your food." The man set down the tray with the food and left.

So much for my foolproof plan. Maybe it was just the person. If I try with someone else, maybe it'll work. I sure hope so. I need to see the Ban-Man again.

……

The same man brought me food the rest of the day. And the day after that. And the day after that. And the week after that. I tried my plan a couple more times after the first, but to no avail.

The man was the only person I saw for over I week. I was starting to get lonely. _Why doesn't anybody like me?! I'm loveable, right? RIGHT?!_

Just as I was starting to breathe heavily, the door opened. I expected to see the man, but it wasn't him! Standing there with my tray of food was a woman who I only saw every once and a while. I took my chance.

"THE MAGICAL AMULET!" I shouted.

The woman only raised an eyebrow, but she didn't seem very distracted. I could have sworn I saw a little flicker of interest in her eyes, so I pursued my plan.

"SPARKLE, SPARKLE! _**SPARKLE!!**_" I screamed at the top of my lungs.

"Sparkles? Where?! I want some!" The woman dropped the tray she was holding and ran to find the imaginary sparkles.

I laughed and ran out of the room. I was free! But, wait! _How do I get out of the building_?...

**DUN DUN DUN!!**

I looked around frantically. There had to be _some_ way out! There were two possible way to go. I was in a long hall with doors all the way along on each side. I looked to my right. That wasn't the way to go. I could see the woman I had tricked running down the hall that way.

So I started running down the hallway to my left. I suddenly stopped myself. _Why should I be the only one to enjoy freedom? _

I make a quick decision. I turned the handle on the closest door. It was open! The doors must only be locked on the inside. I opened all the doors in my path shouting, "Come with me if you want to live!" (**lol. Terminator) **

………

The sparkle-obsessed woman's POV

Goshdarnit! Why does this always happen?! When will I learn that there's no sparkling amulet? I sighed and turned to walk back to the little trickster's room.

Crap! I left his door open and he let everyone else out! I'm gonna get fired!

I looked on as half of the people held in this hallway ran to their escape. I pulled a walkie-talkie off of my belt and pressed the talk button. "We have a breach in hallway four. Secure all exits. Send backup."

………

JPOV

I had freed everyone I could in the hallway and had reached the end of the hall. The only way to go was right, so that's where I went. Just as I rounded the corner, five burly guards came into view. But I was prepared.

I had been saving up my magical flying pills for a week in case I needed them in my escape. Now was the time. I swallowed all the pills I had in my pocket and jumped into the air. _I can fly!!_

The guards blocking my way froze in their tracks.

………

One of the guard's POV

We were called to stop people from escaping, but never in all my days did I expect to see this.

The crazy guy in front of us who had started the whole mess suddenly grabbed a bunch of pills out of his pocket and swallowed them all. Then, the craziest thing happened…

………

One of the escapee's POV

Holy guacamole! If people thought I was insane before, what about now? This was just too weird. I had just been released from my fluffy room and was running down the hall. A bunch of other people had been released, too, so I followed them. I was always a fast runner, so I quickly found my way near the front.

Then, the person who released me swallowed a bunch of pills and then he…

………

The Ban-Man's POV

Boy, I really hope that Jacob guy doesn't escape and find me. That would really stink. He creeped me out…a lot.

………

Bella's POV

I had started to feel guilty, so I decided to visit Jake again. I had just entered the insane asylum that held Jacob when an alarm went off and red lights began to flash.

"Please stay where you are ma'am," a friendly receptionist said.

"What's going on?" I asked.

"Some of our prisoners escaped, but it's nothing you need worry about, miss."

I needed to see Jake. He could be in trouble! "Umm." I thought frantically for something I could do to distract the receptionist. I've got it! "Look! A magical amulet! Sparkle, sparkle! SPARKLE!" **(Haha. Charlie the Unicorn 2. Hilarious!) **

While the woman at the desk ran off to find the nonexistent amulet, I ran to find Jake. I knew where his room was because of all the times I visited.

I had only one more corner to turn before I came to Jacob's hallway. Then, five large guards emerged from a door on the side of the hall. They didn't see me, though. They were trying to stop the mob of people who were attempting to escape. At the front: Jacob.

I stopped in my tracks. Jake had pulled a handful of pills out of his pockets and swallowed all of them. That can't be good.

Jacob swallowed the pills and…What the fudge muffins?! He just…

………

JPOV

I had just swallowed the pills and I…

**...**

**Ha! I'm evil! What's going on? Can Jacob really fly? Will he escape? **

**The only way to find out if to review!!**

**lol. How many POVs can I possibly write in?**

**Anywho…Please review! I won't have a new chapter up for a few days**

**because I'm going on vacation, but you won't get the next**

**chapter unless you review!**

**Polronikugel**


	8. Love at Last

**I'm sorry I haven't updated in a while.**

**Schools starting in a little over a week,**

**and I still have to read three books.**

**Oh, and I have to write an essay about one of them.**

**Oops…anyway…**

**Okay, this is the last chapter of this story.**

**I'll explain at the bottom.**

**But here it is…the final chapter.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight. **

**o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o**

Chapter 8: Love at Last

JPOV

I had just swallowed the pills and I…

Turned into a duck!! I grew wings and a beak and everything. They thought I was crazy, but I really can fly!

I flew over the five unusually large guards and Bella. Wait! Bella? What was she doing here? I almost stopped but decided against it at the last second. I couldn't stop for any reason. It didn't matter why Bella was here. All that mattered was for me to find Mr. Banner.

People looked at me in confusion and awe as I flew over their heads. I wound my way through the unfamiliar hallways until I spotted a set of automatic double doors at the end of the hall I had just turned into. I slowed myself so I could give the doors a chance to open. It seemed like it took forever, but the gap between the doors was finally wide enough for me to fly through.

I bolted through the doors and I was free! I hadn't been outside in what seemed like years. It felt wonderful. I looked around for someplace I could use to hide. I saw that I was surrounded by a forest. Easy enough.

I flew to some trees and landed on the ground. I felt myself change back into a human and then, everything went black.

o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

4 hours later…

I woke up dazed. Where was I? I was supposed to be doing something important, but I couldn't remember what it was.

Then, today's events suddenly crashed down on me. Oh yeah! I need to find Mr. Banner. I didn't know where I was, though. I looked through the trees surrounding me and tried to figure out where I was.

I was surprised. It all looked so familiar. I walked towards where I though the edge of the forest would be. I was right. This was a forest I knew.

I peeked through the trees and was instantly astounded. I was right in front of Charlie's house! There must be a hidden asylum deep in the Hoh Forest that no one knows about. **(I think that's what it's called.) **

I shrugged. It might be weird, but I'll take whatever luck I can. I turned into my wolf form, that I suddenly remembered I could change into, and started running to my house.

When I got there, I changed into my human form, put on some clothes, and grabbed my car keys. I was about to leave when I remembered that I needed to find out where the Ban-Man lived.

I ran back into the house and grabbed a phone book. I flipped through the pages until I found two "Banners". One was named Michele, so I decided it was the other one, Benjamin.

I found a map to both houses online, just in case, and I was soon zooming to Benjamin Banner's house.

I rang the doorbell when I reached the house. An old man answered the door.

"Um, is there a Benjamin Banner that lives here?" I asked.

"Yes," the old man replied.

Since it didn't look like he was going to say anything else, I asked him another question. "Well, uh, can I speak with him?"

"You are speaking to him." He answered.

What?! This had to be him! "Oh, um, sorry. Never mind. Goodbye." I turned and walked to my car leaving a confused old man behind me.

I started toward Michele's house. When I got there, the Ban-Man answered the door! I was startled. Michele is a girl name!

"Wh-what are you doing here? Don't come near me! I'll call the police! I swear I will!" Mr. Banner started backing up.

"NO!" I yelled. I couldn't let him get away from me again. I didn't want to have to do this, but drastic times call for drastic measures. I pulled my secret weapon out of my pocket.

"What is that?!" Mr. Banner sounded panicked.

I shot him with the object and he fell to the floor. "It's my love gun," I said.

"What's happening to me?!" He was definitely panicking now.

"You're falling in love with me!" I was excited. Finally!

Mr. Banner eventually stopped writhing on the floor. He looked up at me. I could tell he loved me. "Jacob!" he whispered. "I love you. I love you, man!"

"Your name's Michele?" I asked.

"Yeah. It's French for Michael. So it is a boy name." He had obviously figured out why I was asking.

"Oh. Okay. I love you Michele."

"I love you Jacob!"

The End!

o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

**Weird…**

**But anyway, yeah, the story's over.**

**After reading Breaking Dawn,**

**I just can't hate Jacob anymore.**

**I still don't love him,**

**but he's a pretty cool guy now.**

**Sorry to those of you who liked my story.**

**But thank you guys sooooo much for **

**staying with me to the end.**

**I love you all so much!**

**Please review!**

**And look out for my future stories!**

**Polronikugel **


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